"I should..."

I suppose my blog is just like my life - all over the place. I'm coming to peace with that - being all over the place. I figure as long as I'm moving forward, I'm good. But there are some days where you feel like you are running in place. I'm willing to bet a lot of women experience that, especially moms! We are so hard on ourselves, living in a world of "I should...". Do you know what I mean? It's like, "I'd like to order the guilt entree, please. With the fries? No thanks, I'll take a side of guilt. And can you supersize that?" I mean, here I am...FINALLY sitting down to blog, to my beloved blog I used to love so much and then threw out into the cold, totally gone and forgotten. And yet the other half of my brain is thinking, wow, is this really the best use of your son's naptime?? I should be...doing laundry, making a healthy lunch instead of waiting until I'm STARVING and then just eat a bunch of Girl Scout cookies, returning call to so-and-so, applying for that job, et cetera. That running to-do list, omnipresent in the background of your mind, urging you to be productive at all times. I think this is why we are so stressed out these days, good ol' modern times. This is how we live. A million things to do. Always tethered to technology and communication. Surrounded by an onslaught of information. This clip does a GREAT job of explaining the technology side of what I mean, from Portlandia. Such a great show!

I can so identify with this little tidbit of insanity. There are so many wonderful benefits of technology, but I do believe I suffer from some of its negative effects. Lately I have really noticed that I have a hard time focusing, my thoughts and actions. I have become less interested in books and always seem to choose reading online versus a long book. And I am bombarded by so many options and so many ideas that I get overwhelmed and lack direction. I feel like I'm having a lot of "Serenity Now!" moments.

Well this just sort of turned into a Negative Nancy bitch fest didn't it? Oops. I have to check myself. When I start getting all angsty like this I have to mentally re-group and focus on the things I do, not all the shit I don't do, or could do better. You have to CHOOSE gratitude. It doesn't choose you. We live in a complex world and when I choose gratitude, things become much simpler. It allows me to zero in on what's important and mutes the white noise created by an access to too much information. 

This little man is my best accomplishment to date and I figure as long as he feels loved and secure, nothing else really matters all that much. 

Yeah, I should get around to that Paleo diet. I should finish that scrapbook. I should make that call to an old friend. I should try more new recipes. I should finish unpacking my house and get more organized. I should do one of those projects I saved on Pinterest. But guess what? I'm going to go get my son out of his crib now that I hear him up talking to himself, and go play with him on the floor, and choose to live in a world of 'I do'. Not 'I should.' Eff that.

“Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.” 
― Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose